Letter for myself 2

28 July 2010

11.40pm
Summer
Zurich, Switzerland

Greetings from Zurich! Today is my second day here. Wandered around town alone, taking trains and trams and slowly figuring out my way around the city. I ate a nice meal on a bench along the streets. Finally watched Sex and the City 2 (which is banned in Doha) in Capitol cinema, and sat on a table along the streets drinking a glass of Heineken and writing down whatever that comes across my mind.

I'm getting sick of travelling alone, actually. It makes me feel lonely; like I've been abandoned by the world. Yet I don't want to force myself to travel with crew who are not interesting. Does travelling have meaning when you are not sharing your wonderful experiences with your loved ones? What is the perfect way to travel? I really have no idea.

I do not feel like I belong anywhere. My home is so far away from me... I have no country. I have no home. It's like I'm floating from place to place, searching for something. Searching for my identity in this world. Sometimes I feel unreal. My life feels unreal. This is the life I dreamt of months ago, and now I'm living it. Believe me, dreams are as good as you imagined them to be. It's just that nobody warned us of the things we have to give up to live our dreams...

I am 21 years old and am totally excited about the endless possibilities of life. This will be the only time I have access to the whole world. I'll go everywhere. I'll see people rushing around everywhere in the cities and think to myself, 'why are they rushing? where are they going?'. I will just be an audience. I'll meet random people from all over the world and start thinking, 'oh right, all these people are the same, they have 2 eyes, 1 nose and 1 mouth.'

We are all the same, yet we are all so different. All the stories we have to tell, all that we experienced and all the thoughts and opinions we have. Our views of the world are made up of dfferent sceneries and characters. I really do find it interesting to meet all these different people everyday...

I now believe this saying, "the higher you go, the harder you fall". Being 35,000ft above ground is pretty high. I realised I'm slowly searching for something more. I don't wish to float all the time. I need a place I call home. Loneliness and melancholy might be nice sometimes, but not all the time.

I am determined to make Doha home, at least for now.

with ♥,
me

A letter for myself 1

6th July 2010
Summer
12am
Munich, Germany

Hey there,

I have decided to write myself a letter everytime I'm on a layover. Tonight, I am in Munich, Germany. Went into the city for the first time, and it was worth it.

Just when I was about to think that flying sucks, I realised what makes flying worth it after all. I remember the purpose of me being here. Sure, the job involves some terrible aspects; but at the end of the day, I get to travel around the world and get allowances to enjoy myself. I stay in hotels and visit the capital cities of the world. It's worth it.

Today I walked down the streets of Munich city centre. There was a cool breeze and the temperature was perfect. I bought a hotdog and a drink and sat down on the grass along with the other Germans... I bought a shot from a man who was about to get married (it is their tradition to sell quirky things to gather money for their marriage), and I drank it with them. I bought 30 euros worth clothes. I saw my passenger on the streets and they smiled and waved at me. I saw a group of musicians playing Canon in D beside the subway. There was a grand piano, a flute, a violin and 2 cellos. It was nice and moving. I took a breath of cold, fresh air and thought, 'Ah, this is life...'. This is the kind of feeling I want to feel each time. Dreamy, far away from reality.

And then I thought of you. Somehow I wished you were there to experience that wonderful feeling with me. I thought of the special time we spent together... I wish we could walk down different streets together, without talking. Just keep those feelings in our hearts and lock them away forever. Without the world, we are perfect together.

I don't feel like sleeping now. I want to sit around, smoke a cigarette and enjoy the wonderful solitude. Homesickness and loneliness are so far away from me now...

with ♥,
me.