Letter for myself 2

28 July 2010

11.40pm
Summer
Zurich, Switzerland

Greetings from Zurich! Today is my second day here. Wandered around town alone, taking trains and trams and slowly figuring out my way around the city. I ate a nice meal on a bench along the streets. Finally watched Sex and the City 2 (which is banned in Doha) in Capitol cinema, and sat on a table along the streets drinking a glass of Heineken and writing down whatever that comes across my mind.

I'm getting sick of travelling alone, actually. It makes me feel lonely; like I've been abandoned by the world. Yet I don't want to force myself to travel with crew who are not interesting. Does travelling have meaning when you are not sharing your wonderful experiences with your loved ones? What is the perfect way to travel? I really have no idea.

I do not feel like I belong anywhere. My home is so far away from me... I have no country. I have no home. It's like I'm floating from place to place, searching for something. Searching for my identity in this world. Sometimes I feel unreal. My life feels unreal. This is the life I dreamt of months ago, and now I'm living it. Believe me, dreams are as good as you imagined them to be. It's just that nobody warned us of the things we have to give up to live our dreams...

I am 21 years old and am totally excited about the endless possibilities of life. This will be the only time I have access to the whole world. I'll go everywhere. I'll see people rushing around everywhere in the cities and think to myself, 'why are they rushing? where are they going?'. I will just be an audience. I'll meet random people from all over the world and start thinking, 'oh right, all these people are the same, they have 2 eyes, 1 nose and 1 mouth.'

We are all the same, yet we are all so different. All the stories we have to tell, all that we experienced and all the thoughts and opinions we have. Our views of the world are made up of dfferent sceneries and characters. I really do find it interesting to meet all these different people everyday...

I now believe this saying, "the higher you go, the harder you fall". Being 35,000ft above ground is pretty high. I realised I'm slowly searching for something more. I don't wish to float all the time. I need a place I call home. Loneliness and melancholy might be nice sometimes, but not all the time.

I am determined to make Doha home, at least for now.

with ♥,
me

A letter for myself 1

6th July 2010
Summer
12am
Munich, Germany

Hey there,

I have decided to write myself a letter everytime I'm on a layover. Tonight, I am in Munich, Germany. Went into the city for the first time, and it was worth it.

Just when I was about to think that flying sucks, I realised what makes flying worth it after all. I remember the purpose of me being here. Sure, the job involves some terrible aspects; but at the end of the day, I get to travel around the world and get allowances to enjoy myself. I stay in hotels and visit the capital cities of the world. It's worth it.

Today I walked down the streets of Munich city centre. There was a cool breeze and the temperature was perfect. I bought a hotdog and a drink and sat down on the grass along with the other Germans... I bought a shot from a man who was about to get married (it is their tradition to sell quirky things to gather money for their marriage), and I drank it with them. I bought 30 euros worth clothes. I saw my passenger on the streets and they smiled and waved at me. I saw a group of musicians playing Canon in D beside the subway. There was a grand piano, a flute, a violin and 2 cellos. It was nice and moving. I took a breath of cold, fresh air and thought, 'Ah, this is life...'. This is the kind of feeling I want to feel each time. Dreamy, far away from reality.

And then I thought of you. Somehow I wished you were there to experience that wonderful feeling with me. I thought of the special time we spent together... I wish we could walk down different streets together, without talking. Just keep those feelings in our hearts and lock them away forever. Without the world, we are perfect together.

I don't feel like sleeping now. I want to sit around, smoke a cigarette and enjoy the wonderful solitude. Homesickness and loneliness are so far away from me now...

with ♥,
me.

Stories of people I met while travelling I

Zurich, Switzerland

I was dining in an open restuarant when this man came over and borrowed a cigarette from me. He told me he wasn't feeling good because he didn't smoke for over an hour. I gave it to him.

He was 59. He told me his ex-wife, whom he divorced some 20 years ago, was dying, hence he was feeling really sad today. He shares 4 kids with her. She has a brain tumor and they found out too late. He wanted to get drunk but no matter how much he drinks, he never ever gets drunk.

He writes stories and poems in both German and English and gets them published in newspapers and stuff. He can speak 6 languages.

He wrote me a poem. This is how it goes.

A sandcorn will rise from the beach - one at a time.
The sandcorn is you - like a diamond!
What does a diamond do in our world?
Only to bring beauty, only to shine and give love.
The sandcorn is part of the windows of our hearts.
High airs carry birds and the sandcorn flies along.
When the sandcorn falls, it hits your heart.

And then we parted ways.

Along the streets of Munich...

...They were playing the wonderful classic Canon In D.

Munich, Germany

这是我第三次到Munich去。 开始感到厌倦但真的没办法。。。

在那里的二十一个小时，我生病了。

和同事一起去吃晚餐后，就回房，从下午睡到隔天早上。

可能因为生病的关系，最近做工作到真的很累，很讨厌。。。

不希望开始有这样的想法。。。

因为如果这样会很辛苦。

希望一切会变得好一点。



最近有了很多复杂的想法。

有一种想离开的念头。。。

但不知道回去后到底可以做什么。。。

我有点担心。

很开心在这里有遇到很好的朋友。。。

但真正可以说心里话的并不是很多。

可能只有一个吧。



有时候真的希望你是一个好人。

不会玩无聊的游戏，

可以真正和我聊天的一个人。

看起来你不是。。。

对我来说也没什么。。。

最多和你说再见 而已。



不是吗？


我开始适应一个人的生活。。。

就算回到没有人的房间也不会感到寂寞。。。

有时候我即使希望没有人会来找我。

把门锁上。。。

谁说我们一旦是朋友，我就得应该告诉你我生命里的一切？

我从来都不喜欢这样。




我要去睡觉了。。。 Bye

Casablanca, Morocco

I LOVE CASABLANCA.

It has something to do with the weather. A combination of the sun and cool wind blowing on your face. There were so many perfect scenes that I would LOVE to take a photo of, but the people looked too fierce so I didn't want to risk it.

I went with wonderful crew. We had the greatest donut ever lived, bought my first fridge magnet, a new 'african' looking wallet and a 'I love Casablanca' teeshirt.

After that I drank lots of beer and sat facing the sea of cars driving past... Love it. :D

Halas.

Moscow, Russia

I have been thinking about the meaning of travelling; what is it exactly? Does it involve taking a lot of photos and leaving yourself a bunch of memories afterwards, or would it be better to just walk along the streets and experience then and there?

I couldn't find an answer, because I find myself unable to explain what I've experienced when I leave the country without photos as evidence of myself having been there... Yet I never truly enjoy when I am taking photos all the time.

I think I'm a lone traveller. I can't stand it when I travel with other people because I can't truly be myself.

I want to stand by a random street stall and choose the perfect postcard to bring home with me as long as possible.

I want to tear when I see a group of musicians playing Canon In D along the streets without feeling embarrassed.

I want to sit on the steps, do nothing and just observe everyone walking by.

I want to eat the worse local food,

and then take the subway slowly back to the hotel...

I know everything sounds too idealistic.

I am TOO idealistic.

I need to stop myself and come back to Earth.

I'm addicted to this song after watching the British sitcom 'Coupling'. It's simply hilarious...



Off to play my guitar ♥