Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

Growing up; starting a new life.

This song breaks my heart.

Hong Kong

Unfortunately, I didn't take any pictures of Hong Kong. Don't ask me why, probably because my sister and I were too busy yakking our lives away.

Went to Mackie's Kitchen, After School and Cat's Cafe. All located in Causeway Bay. It's so great to see these wonderful cafes come to life! Bought lots of magazines for me to read when I'm bored and also to get inspiration.. Also bought a few MUJI notebooks and pens.. I'm loving it! ♥

Meeting my sister was so, so good. It brought me back to Earth, made me able to look at myself from outside. I felt like I was back in Singapore again, I could remember my old life crystal clear... And right then it became clear to me that I was right where I was supposed to be.

I came back to Doha feeling satisfied and complete. I think I have entered the next phase of my life in Doha. I realised that off days should not be days of mopping around in depression and feelings of emptiness always. I should take the time to rest well and relax with my friends...

I shouldn't care what other people think about me, I should do what I want and have the time of my life. And also I should not trust anyone and shut my mouth at appropriate times...

That's it. My motto in Doha: Enjoy my life to the maximum, stop trusting people and stop caring what they think of me! KHALAS.

Nairobi, Kenya

Nairobi is in the transition from winter to spring. There was sun and breeze. You could walk along the streets without breaking a sweat. You'll see enormous birds with long feet flying around and sometimes animals in the farms along the highways.

City market is a place full black people and handmade stuff... I bought a piece of drawing which looks like a village with african people walking around, and a Nairobi fridge magnet. Drank some nice latte in one of the cafes and had crocodile meat for dinner.

Didn't have much time to explore the city but I had enough fun in the short time frame I was given...

Drifting off...

It is 36degrees in the middle of the night in Qatar. I need to wake up in 6 hours, but I don't want to sleep... I am used to this though. I can sleep 3 hours and be able to work for more than 10 hours straight.

I have a strange feeling right now. What do you call this emptiness inside me? I cannot find that something that is supposed to make me feel complete, no matter how many people i meet and chat with all day long. I need to talk to someone, and I know the best person is myself.

What am I doing here? Am I better off somewhere else? I feel like my world has expanded beyond, but has shrank within.

I... just don't understand how I can treat another person seriously, and get nothing in return. How could I have treated you seriously, to find out that it was all a game? Why do people here not take anyone seriously anymore? I'm just so disappointed and speechless about everything.

Now I need to close my eyes and continue listening to Cold Water by Damien Rice and slowly drift off to sleep. Hopefully...

Should I go back to reality?

London, England

One day train ticket for 12 pounds and access to the whole of London, isn't it wonderful? Went from London Gatwick to London Victoria to Marble Arch (for Primark shopping, of course) to London Bridge. Great weather... Why can't they exchange their skies with Doha? Enjoyed taking pictures of birds and planes flying above the London Bridge. They are so beautiful.

Letter for myself 2

28 July 2010

11.40pm
Summer
Zurich, Switzerland

Greetings from Zurich! Today is my second day here. Wandered around town alone, taking trains and trams and slowly figuring out my way around the city. I ate a nice meal on a bench along the streets. Finally watched Sex and the City 2 (which is banned in Doha) in Capitol cinema, and sat on a table along the streets drinking a glass of Heineken and writing down whatever that comes across my mind.

I'm getting sick of travelling alone, actually. It makes me feel lonely; like I've been abandoned by the world. Yet I don't want to force myself to travel with crew who are not interesting. Does travelling have meaning when you are not sharing your wonderful experiences with your loved ones? What is the perfect way to travel? I really have no idea.

I do not feel like I belong anywhere. My home is so far away from me... I have no country. I have no home. It's like I'm floating from place to place, searching for something. Searching for my identity in this world. Sometimes I feel unreal. My life feels unreal. This is the life I dreamt of months ago, and now I'm living it. Believe me, dreams are as good as you imagined them to be. It's just that nobody warned us of the things we have to give up to live our dreams...

I am 21 years old and am totally excited about the endless possibilities of life. This will be the only time I have access to the whole world. I'll go everywhere. I'll see people rushing around everywhere in the cities and think to myself, 'why are they rushing? where are they going?'. I will just be an audience. I'll meet random people from all over the world and start thinking, 'oh right, all these people are the same, they have 2 eyes, 1 nose and 1 mouth.'

We are all the same, yet we are all so different. All the stories we have to tell, all that we experienced and all the thoughts and opinions we have. Our views of the world are made up of dfferent sceneries and characters. I really do find it interesting to meet all these different people everyday...

I now believe this saying, "the higher you go, the harder you fall". Being 35,000ft above ground is pretty high. I realised I'm slowly searching for something more. I don't wish to float all the time. I need a place I call home. Loneliness and melancholy might be nice sometimes, but not all the time.

I am determined to make Doha home, at least for now.

with ♥,
me

A letter for myself 1

6th July 2010
Summer
12am
Munich, Germany

Hey there,

I have decided to write myself a letter everytime I'm on a layover. Tonight, I am in Munich, Germany. Went into the city for the first time, and it was worth it.

Just when I was about to think that flying sucks, I realised what makes flying worth it after all. I remember the purpose of me being here. Sure, the job involves some terrible aspects; but at the end of the day, I get to travel around the world and get allowances to enjoy myself. I stay in hotels and visit the capital cities of the world. It's worth it.

Today I walked down the streets of Munich city centre. There was a cool breeze and the temperature was perfect. I bought a hotdog and a drink and sat down on the grass along with the other Germans... I bought a shot from a man who was about to get married (it is their tradition to sell quirky things to gather money for their marriage), and I drank it with them. I bought 30 euros worth clothes. I saw my passenger on the streets and they smiled and waved at me. I saw a group of musicians playing Canon in D beside the subway. There was a grand piano, a flute, a violin and 2 cellos. It was nice and moving. I took a breath of cold, fresh air and thought, 'Ah, this is life...'. This is the kind of feeling I want to feel each time. Dreamy, far away from reality.

And then I thought of you. Somehow I wished you were there to experience that wonderful feeling with me. I thought of the special time we spent together... I wish we could walk down different streets together, without talking. Just keep those feelings in our hearts and lock them away forever. Without the world, we are perfect together.

I don't feel like sleeping now. I want to sit around, smoke a cigarette and enjoy the wonderful solitude. Homesickness and loneliness are so far away from me now...

with ♥,
me.