Calicut, India
The end of Summer
Calicut is a small, laidback city. The air smelt like a combination of spices and cows. It was windy. There were so many poor people around; some begging on the streets and many trying to sell cheap clothing to make a living. Occassionally, there were black cows walking on the streets.
Touched down at 10am in the morning. Had a good sleep for a couple of hours, and then we took a tuk-tuk to the city's shopping mall. Had a quick meal, and then proceeded to the big bazaar nearby. We bought a couple of indian Saris and sweets and when the sun was setting, we went back to the hotel for an indian buffet dinner.
As I sat at the back of the tuk-tuk, struggling to not fall off due to the minimum space I had; as I clutch the bag of shopping I bought and as we drove past shops and lights... I realised that happiness is not what it seems to be and that it is overrated. If happiness is the key, why do people leave paths that are supposedly perfect, take risks, do crazy things, and end up unhappy? Other than happiness, what we human beings are truly looking for is something unexplainable deep inside our hearts... Is it something that would make us feel complete?
It's like we are constantly playing tug of war; what we should do and what we want to do. What we want to do is usually bad for us... God didnt say life was fair, did he?
Had a long conversation with the crew. I never realised that everyone was feeling the same way as I do. I realised that as much as I miss home and want to go back, as much as I often dream of just packing my things, buying a ticket and leaving right then and there, I realised that I have slowly grown accustomed to life here. As stories and relationships build up, it would be harder and harder for me to leave. As much as I crave for a simple, down-to-earth life, I realised that part of me feed on loneliness and complications, because they are what seems to make my life less mundane.
In this short period of time, I have had wonderful experiences that I would not have if I weren't here. I've never felt more alone, yet I've never met people more like me than over here.
I've never felt so lonely. I have tasted my friend's dish and teared at the fact that it tasted so similar to what my mother used to cook back home... I've never had to clean my own house, wash my own dishes, laundry, manage my own money, etc...
At the end of the day, would you rather be a tormented artist who truly understands life or a happy, ignorant person who lives day by day?
Lots of love,
Venessa
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