Eye surgery

I walked into the clinic alone, thinking that I would be okay. But once the doctor injected into my eye, I panicked. All I wanted to do was to run away, but I knew I was trapped. I never felt more alone in the world. At that moment, I wish I had a hand to hold; I thought of my mother, and I missed her...

I felt overwhelmed with emotions, lying on the surgery chair. I felt scared, helpless, and vulnerable.

I realised how sad I actually am, and I had never really cried ever since I came here, and that was the breaking point. I felt sad because I realised I had no idea how to take good care of myself, and that I was just a kid who's trying to pretend that she knows everything. That my heart is broken, and will always be broken again, and again. I realised how pathetic I was, always desperately looking for somebody to be close to me, but never succeeded. And that I will never find that person. How I always expect too much out of people, yet I never do much for them. How I always care about the wrong people. How I always try to act like I dont care when I do, and end up losing people I care about...

That I humiliated the person I was with for 2 and a half years, ended without a word of appreciation. And now I miss him so much, but he doesn't even want to reply my emails.

I realised how weak I actually am, and how I have been trying to act like I am strong... I don't want to pretend anymore, to put on that smile even though I am unhappy about something, just so I could avoid any troublesome confrontations.

I'm going to rest now and hopefully I will feel better tomorrow...