I miss flying, I miss studying... I miss working. Or doing anything that is useful. But yet I don't feel like doing anything. Can I have a little more time? Can God work His way into my heart and talk to me? Please tell me what should be my next step in life...
Instead of the Laos trip, I went from SIN to Surabaya to Bali with Mya. It was a good trip but honestly, a wasted trip as well because I did not get to spend anytime alone. I did not get to think. Believe it or not, I didn't take photos of the place. Most of the time I was on the back of the bike, trying to take in Bali's tourists infested areas and noisiness. Occasionally I was lucky enough to enjoy the peacefulness of a lake or top of a mountain.
Im depressed but still not feeling suicidal YET. Please point to me the direction I should be heading. I need help......
I'm starting to think that my brain is failing because I seem to be distracted all the time, I could forget something someone told me in the next second... Maybe there are way too many details to remember. After all, it's 21 years of information.
I'm afraid of time, afraid of growing up MORE, ......
Just afraid.
I can cry like 20 times a day.
*
"自殺！我有勇氣，早就干了。現在還能想到這兩個字，足證我的志氣還沒有 完全消磨盡哩！
我想了許多零亂斷續的思想，終究沒有一個好法子，可以救我出目下的窮狀來。 聽見工廠的汽笛，好像在報十二點鐘了，我就站了起來，換上了白天那件破棉袍子， 仍復吹熄了蠟燭，走出外面去散步去。
貧民窟裡的人已經睡眠靜了。對面日新裡的一排臨鄧脫路的洋樓裡，還有幾家 點著了紅綠的電燈，在那裡彈罷拉拉衣加。一聲二聲清脆的歌音，帶著哀調，從靜 寂的深夜的冷空氣裡傳到我的耳膜上來，這大約是俄國的飄泊的少女，在那裡賣錢 的歌唱。天上罩滿了灰白的薄雲，同腐爛的屍體似的沉沉的蓋在那裡。雲層破處也 能看得出一點兩點星來，但星的近處，黝黝看得出來的天色，好像有無限的哀愁蘊 藏著的樣子。 "
貧民窟裡的人已經睡眠靜了。對面日新裡的一排臨鄧脫路的洋樓裡，還有幾家 點著了紅綠的電燈，在那裡彈罷拉拉衣加。一聲二聲清脆的歌音，帶著哀調，從靜 寂的深夜的冷空氣裡傳到我的耳膜上來，這大約是俄國的飄泊的少女，在那裡賣錢 的歌唱。天上罩滿了灰白的薄雲，同腐爛的屍體似的沉沉的蓋在那裡。雲層破處也 能看得出一點兩點星來，但星的近處，黝黝看得出來的天色，好像有無限的哀愁蘊 藏著的樣子。 "
You wrote this on my birthday, and didnt give a greeting to me. huhhhh. I beat your ass hahaha no offense, just 'lame': p
ReplyDeleteYou know, that everyone would be experiencing stress in their lives even they think deserve to do crazy things for releasing the pressure. But after they realized, they would smile and even laugh embarrassed to realize how stupid they were at that time.
Maybe now you think, that you're the only one who was most sad in this world and I would say BIG NOOO. A lot of people out there who is more pathetic than you.
I was born in a family with poor economy but not with my cousins. They prospered even more. No love from the mother since childhood. Living with a stepmother who did not pay attention so you could say I'm living with less happy childhood hehe and how painful to see your uncle and Auntie look as if your life miserable and you didnt mean nothing compared to them. It lasted many years. I still remember it until now. And when I was growing up and starting a career, my father died. Then sad again coz haven't made that Old man happy yet. You can imagine how sad I was at that time. it's 26 years of information :)
But overall, I dont blame that circumstances, even I feel grateful. That is a basis when I'm on the top, I will always remember below. Actually I didnt mean to tell my story but just give an idea for you.
Life's like playing monopoly. You can go to jail where makes you dont know what to do and desperate. But you will try many time to get out by your own efforts and continue the game. You can be fined for your mistakes or others but would not want to, you have to pay it. Sometimes you're rich and sometimes you go bankrupt. But the point you still run the game with such circumstances whatsoever. With confidence you will win.
Now, I am sitting in starbucks, drinking caramel java chip. This is my favorite place to enjoy my solitude. Indeed, sometimes we need it .. but not for long. We should not continue to go on in sadness. Head up, go forward and not look back. Change your mindset into positive thinking and Take action.
Do what you like, what you want but that does not mean you have to escape from real life. You should look for a job or continue study? so that you can forget the sadness. And you can see how wonderful life with people who love you.
Christmas is coming and I like that atmosphere. Songs, decorations, and I know it is on Orchard Road. Maybe you can enjoy this atmosphere that makes you a peaceful heart.
Come on... I like to see you cheerful and playing guitar while singing:)
(Oh every time I close my eyes, I see my name in shining lights, A different city every night oh I swear the world better prepare
For when I’m a billionaire ) :p
NB: Often when we lost hope and think this is the end of everything, God smiles from above and say "calm down, dear, it's just bend, not the end!"